I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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