so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
