Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize