I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
