if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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