Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
