I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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