apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
