I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
