2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I will die if light touches me.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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