I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
