when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
not ubering you a puppy
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
