So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
