He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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