Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize