What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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