id be glad to
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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