My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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