i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
