Cold hands, warm shart.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
