Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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