my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
two words: eviction party
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
