My liver just broke up with me...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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