This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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