finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
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