She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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