I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
