I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
