also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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