wat bout pragnant strippers??
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
