so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
