so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
