We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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