you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
