did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
