I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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