So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
