sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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