I skipped work to stalk him.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
