A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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