we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
