Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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