Im at strip club and am horny
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
