you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
