Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Everyone says I win the strip club
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize