shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
