It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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