@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
They are going to name an STD after you.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
