hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
This baby is an asshole
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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