College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
