I'm eating all of the evidence.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
