Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
