I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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