what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
