LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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