Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
