I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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