Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
COCAINE IS GR8
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
