Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
