I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
