im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
