i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
