If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
