remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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