either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
