Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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