am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Randomize
