I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
