Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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