is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Randomize
