So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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